The Horror of Chipmunks
by NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Why are all the forest dwellers afraid of chipmunks? Well, the answer is simple, really, when you think about it… Pre-movie, one shot. Not a fic for Alvin and the Chipmunks fans. You have been warned.


**Okay, I know, this is my second Epic 'Mub and Grub's fear of Chipmunks' story. But this one is a little different. The idea popped into my head when I was writing the other one and I couldn't just let it go, but I didn't want to leave the other one either. So I compromised and posted both. :)**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Epic nor Alvin and the Chipmunks. I also mean no insult to anybody, so I am sorry if you see it that way. I was merely having fun writing down a silly situation.  
**

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**The Horror of Chipmunks**

"What is that noise?" asked Grub, wishing he had ears so that he could cover them. "It's horrible, it burns!"

"Stay still for a second," exclaimed Mub. "Lets see if we can distinguish words from the whining!"

The both stopped moving and stopped complaining, went against all instincts that were telling them to run away quickly and listened to the horrid high-pitched noise coming from the west of their pond. In any other situation they might have run and hid, but the Queen was coming soon to pick an heir and they couldn't abandon all the pods they had painstakingly looked after for so long to this awful noise. And so they listened.

The more they listened and the more their non-existent ears bled, the more they started to hear. In the high-pitched whine there _were_ words…

_Christmas, Christmas time is near, time for joy and time for cheer…_

"Okay, I think that's enough," said Mub, glancing over to Grub.

The snail was hiding in his shell. Typical.

"GRUB!" he yelled.

"Yes?" asked the snail, sticking an eye out of his shell.

"We have to go and sort this out. The pods are starting to wilt!"

"You mean go _closer_?" asked Grub. "No thank you. I think I will just be staying here."

"Where is your bravery?" asked Mub. "I mean, I was never going to go closer, but you want to be a _Leafman_. You should go and fix it."

"But I am not a Leafman right now, so therefore-" Grub stopped speaking as an idea popped into his head. A very good idea. "Wait! Mub, I have a plan!"

-o-

As Ronin flew to the pond he was of a torn mind. On one hand, the two crazy gastropods were looking after the future of the forest and therefore when they send up a distress signal it cannot be ignored.

But then again, these were the same gastropods that sent up a signal the week before because there was a fish in the pond and they thought it might eat some of the pods. Seriously. They sent up a distress signal because there was a _fish _in a_ pond._

So, despite the fact that he knew he couldn't ignore it due to the future of the forest being at stake, he also didn't feel the need to get a squadron together, so he just flew down by himself.

However, the closer he got the more he realised that maybe the snail and the slug did need some help, because as he drew towards the pond he began hearing the most awful high-pitched noise which slowly morphed into words. Mind you, those words made his ears burn just as much.

_We've been good but we can't last, hurry Christmas, hurry fast…_

Ronin didn't even make it all the way. About a hundred yards out his bird staged a mutiny and flew off, and he had jump to the ground and then walk the rest of the way. That was an indicator to how bad it was if even a highly trained Leafman hummingbird forsook its duty.

When he _finally _got there, it was to find the snail and the slug hurriedly yet systematically holding the pods under the water for a few seconds, then letting them back to the surface and moving to the next one.

"What are you doing?" he called over the noise.

"Trying to help them!" the snail called back. "Sound doesn't travel quite so well under the water, so we're giving them a short break from it to try and stop them from wilting, or at least slow them down!"

Ronin looked closer and saw that they were right – the pods were wilting slowly. Filled with new energy and purpose, Ronin quickly rushed to the source of the noise. As he got closer, he was forced to pull a small piece of grass out of the ground and tie it around his head, covering his ears. It helped a little.

He hid in a small bush when he reached what he figured must be the place, and then peered through the leaves.

"My God," gasped Ronin. "I'm going to need some back-up."

-o-

When the second signal came through, Nod figured he had reason to be worried. Ronin was strong and could handle most anything on his own, so if he was calling for help then something must be very, very wrong. Especially since he had not only called for all the Leafmen, but all those in training as well.

Then there was the weird order that had come through about muffling the hearing of their birds. At first they thought the messenger dandelion had got it wrong, but she was adamant. She also stated that it was very, very necessary and that they would do well to muffle their own hearing also.

None of them did because they all knew that to loose a sense in a fight could mean death, but they all brought a length of grass just in case.

In the end, they all used it, because the awful noise making its way through the trees was just too horrible for even the mighty Leafmen to bear.

_Want a plane that loops the loop; me I want a hoola hoop…_

They all perched their birds a little way from Ronin's bush before going to join him. Ronin looked ridiculous with the grass tied in a neat bow above his forehead, but there was no time for jokes now, even Nod understood that.

This was serious. The life of the forest could be in the balance.

As Nod peered through the leaves with the others he could not believe what he was seeing.

It looked like one of those Stomper camps that appeared in the forest every so often, the ones that only stayed for a day or two with a semicircle of tents and fire in the middle. Only it was smaller than a Stomper camp, and instead of Stompers sitting around the fire there were three chipmunks wearing what looked like Stomper clothing. They were all holding sticks with a strange white or pink lump on the end over the flames, and they were all singing… and that was what was causing the horrible noise.

_We can hardly stand the wait, please Christmas don't be late!_

"All right men, here's the plan…" whispered Ronin.

Less than a minute later, all the Leafmen were in position. There would be no wasting time. Normally creatures like this – animals that had been brainwashed by humans and turned into 'pets' – would be spared, but these three were a direct threat to the forest and therefore must be eliminated. And quickly. And preferably from a distance.

As such, it was only five seconds later that Ronin gave the order to fire.

The chipmunks squealed as tiny arrows shot into them from all directions – a squeal so high pitched that it caused several Leafmen to fall to the ground in pain. But they persevered, and more and more arrows flew into the creatures until they resembled hedgehogs rather than chipmunks.

"For the forest!" Ronin shouted over the horrible noise.

"For the forest!" Nod shouted back along with the rest of the Leafmen.

It wasn't long before the terrified chipmunks stopped squealing and running around in circles and fell down on the ground, dead.

And then there was silence. Blessed silence.

But the silence was quickly broken by the abrupt cheering of the Leafmen, celebrating their having saved the forest once again.

"Alright, everyone listen up!" called Ronin. "I want it to be known that from now on, all chipmunks are to be avoided. Any chipmunk that threatens the forest by taking up the habit of singing is to be executed immediately. Singing chipmunks are a horror that will not be tolerated!"

The Leafmen spread the word, and the whole of the forest heard. They also all agreed, including the wild chipmunks, who were terribly annoyed at the three who had betrayed their species and made all chipmunks public enemies.

Actually, from that day on, chipmunks began to prefer the company of creatures such as mice, who did not care for Leafman polices and therefore would not suddenly slit their throats when they so much as squeaked in surprise.

Those singing chipmunks had left a bit of a lasting impression.

-o-

"…. and that is also why I want to be a Leafman," finished Grub, looking back at Mub smugly. They were all on their way to Nim Galuu's to ask him about the pod, the five of them squished onto only two birds. M.K. had been curious about their reaction to the mention of chipmunks, and the other four had been only too happy to share the story.

"I am still going to point out that you were too afraid to go anywhere _near_ the chipmunks," said Mub.

"So were you!"

"But you're the one who wants to be a Leafman."

"Not every Leafman went!"

"Yes they did!"

"Oh yes, okay, so you're right," said Grub, smirking as he thought of a way to take Mub's attention off him. "I forgot. Every one of them were brave enough to go… including Nod."

"Exactly!" exclaimed Mub, causing Nod to grin triumphantly. Mub noticed. "No, wait, I didn't mean-"

"Oh no you don't," said Nod, "You just admitted that I'm braver than you. Stop denying it!"

"I did not!" he yelled. Then he looked over to M.K. who was over on Ronin's bird. "You know I didn't mean that baby, he was absolutely terrified. Lets remember who it was that saved the pods while those 'brave' Leafmen were filling the chipmunks with arrows, hmm?"

"It was my idea to put the pods under the water," said Grub, still smirking. "And it was my idea to call the Leafmen in the first place…"

This, of course, prompted a huge response from Mub who almost ended up falling from the bird, and was only saved by Nod grabbing on to his eyestalk; which in turn sparked a whole new argument about how Mub was perfectly fine and could have definitely handled it by _himself_…

M.K. sighed and shook her head. Life in the forest was sounding much more crazy by the second… but at least now she knew to avoid singing chipmunks.

That was one life lesson that everyone in the forest lived by, even going so far as to rival the leaf... tree… connections thing.

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**I hope you had as much fun reading that as I did writing it. Please leave me a review so I know what you thought of it!  
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